Sure, you and your partner love each other, you connect well and have a rather healthy relationship…but is your partner the one you should marry? Being a great boyfriend or girlfriend is different than being great spouse material. Many people assume that just because they get along great with their partners as boyfriend and girlfriend, that they will automatically end up married, living happily ever after. The sooner you find this out, the better, because it will really prevent a lot of confusion and heart ache later. However, even if you have been with your partner for many years, it does not mean you should stay in the relationship simply because you have been together for a long time. The first thing you need to do is understand what your goals are with your relationship. This way you will be fully aware of your expectations and standards and can then focus on your partner and see whether you two are on the boat or not.
So, how can you tell whether your partner is the marriage “type”? Well, the signs are very clear to read, if you are just willing to see the truth and nothing but the truth, even if it is not always what you want. The first step in seeing this truth, is throwing your blinders away aIs he or she really someone that you see yourself be with for the rest of your lives
If any of these apply to your relationship, then your partner is most likely not the marrying type and would probably make you wait a very long time to finally marry you, or never marry you at all. Some common excuses a partner gives as to why now is no a good time to marry are : 1) “ I am not ready yet” 2) “ We’ll get married when we have more money” 3) “ I’d like to get some other things done first” 4) “ We love each other, so what’s the rush?....and so on.”
The best thing to do is to observe your partner’s behavior around the topic of marriage and then trust your instincts. Do not rob yourself of true happiness by telling yourself that he or she will eventually come around or that you can change him/her, because this usually never works and you will only end up waiting around for a man or woman who will never give you what you truly want, even dating online
If your partner ends up not being the marrying type, then you should try and move on as soon as possible, so that you can move on and find someone who will see love the same way you do. If you try to adapt to your partner’s non marrying ways, you may be okay for a while because of the love you feel for him or her, but you would eventually grow tired of it and would resent your partner and yourself for not accepting the truth a long time ago. Getting married is a beautiful life experience, but only if it is with a person who wants to be in it just as eagerly as you do.nd to observe all angles of your relationship- not just the wonderful parts that you want to see. If you are the type of person who would like to settle down and get married when the time is right, then you are naturally going to want a partner who will have the same dreams and goals as you when it comes to love and relationships. While this is only natural, you should not assume that just because you are involved with your partner in a serious relationship that it will end in marriage. This is exactly why you must talk about this with your partner once your relationship reaches a comfortable enough point to talk about marriage and commitment.
Of course, there are some relationships where it is difficult to read your partner, due mixed signals. If you feel that your partner loves you, but are not really sure whether he or she will ever actually get married to you, then the following signs are what you should look out for:
Your partner tries to change the subject or brushes you off whenever you bring up marriage.
He or she tells you that marriage is not something that he/she is too crazy about.
Tells you that he/she wants to marry you, but keeps making excuses on why you cannot marry now and keeps you waiting for a long time (yearsIs he or she really someone that you see yourself be with for the rest of your lives
If any of these apply to your relationship, then your partner is most likely not the marrying type and would probably make you wait a very long time to finally marry you, or never marry you at all. Some common excuses a partner gives as to why now is no a good time to marry are : 1) “ I am not ready yet” 2) “ We’ll get married when we have more money” 3) “ I’d like to get some other things done first” 4) “ We love each other, so what’s the rush?....and so on.”
The best thing to do is to observe your partner’s behavior around the topic of marriage and then trust your instincts. Do not rob yourself of true happiness by telling yourself that he or she will eventually come around or that you can change him/her, because this usually never works and you will only end up waiting around for a man or woman who will never give you what you truly want.
If your partner ends up not being the marrying type, then you should try and move on as soon as possible, so that you can move on and find someone who will see love the same way you do. If you try to adapt to your partner’s non marrying ways, you may be okay for a while because of the love you feel for him or her, but you would eventually grow tired of it and would resent your partner and yourself for not accepting the truth a long time ago. Getting married is a beautiful life experience, but only if it is with a person who wants to be in it just as eagerly as you do.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Making Healthy Investments into Your Relationship
Like everything else you wish to succeed in, relationships require effort and investments. How is the health status of your relationship account? When you start an account, you always start off with such enthusiasm and with goals to grow this account into a healthy, strong one that will give you a happy future. The thing is, most people open their relationship account with eagerness like this, only to get lazy and procrastinate over time, leading the relationship onto an unhealthy path. Laziness will always set you up for failure, including your relationship. As a relationship matures and get older, the lazier a couple tends to get. You get so comfortable with each other, that you no longer bother to invest the time and efforts you did at the beginning. People often believe that if they are comfortable in their relationship, then everything is okay and/or will work itself out. Being comfortable, however, does not always mean your relationship is healthy. Being comfortable could simply mean that you and your partner are used to being together, as well as used to the way the relationship is- even if a relationship is lacking important things that could make it better. This happens so gradually sometimes, that a couple often does not know where things went wrong- and all they know is that their relationship went downhill and things do not feel the same anymore. The excitement is gone, the passion has faded and the communication has gone from strong to weak, making it difficult for a couple to work together once they do realize that their relationship is in trouble.
The following are some things you and your partner need to constantly invest to your relationship account if you want to maintain a healthy and loving relationship:
Honesty. You have probably heard the famous saying- “honesty is the best policy”. Well, it really is! While the truth may not always be pleasant, it is always better to let your partner know what you are thinking and how you are feeling, rather than keeping it all inside of you and expecting your partner to read your mind. You also need to open and accepting of the truth your partner shares with you about yourself and the relationship over all. If you are not willing to hear the truth (and the truth can be painful sometimes), then you are not willing to fully experience the relationship as a whole- but instead choose to blind yourself from certain things because it makes life easier for you (or at least it will look that way to you). So invest honesty into your relationship every day throughout the whole year- being always honest with your partner and yourself.
Respect. You and your partner can have extremely strong feelings for each other and may claim to love each other dearly and more than anything. Without respect however, that love will get lost in the big shadow of disrespect that will take over your relationship. Respect may seems like something that is only natural for you and your partner to have for each other and that if you love each other, then it will be very difficult to disrespect each other. This may be true in the beginning when things are new between you, but in time things change and requires maintenance. As a relationship matures and you and your partner spend more time together, you will experience different things and will learn new things about each other. Though the love you have for each other may be something you have in common, you two are still individual human beings with different habits, views, routines, interests and so on. You may not always like or agree with the way your partner handles things, believes things and says things- but you will have to accept and respect that this is who he/she is. If you cannot respect your partner and your partner does not respect you, then your relationship will not last- and if it does, it will grow into an unhappy relationship that will invite many other stressful and painful issues. Invest respect daily into your relationship and do not allow yourself to cross that line and enter the territory of disrespect. If you so, you and your partner will not see each other the same way.
Expressions of Love. You may see this one as a given, but it is not. People tend to get a little too comfortable as time goes by in a relationship and become less concerned with expressing their love and admiration for their partner. This, majority of the time, is not intentional, but it does happen regardless of being intentional or not. People do this because they become too confident. They know they love their partner and that their partner loves them and use that as their security. While knowing that you love each other is great and powerful, it will not be enough to make your relationship last in a happy way. People need to know that they are loved and cherished and that they are not being taken for granted. Laziness is a person’s worst enemy and it will cost you your relationship if you do not take the time to let your partner know that he/she is special and the love of your life. Tell your partner how much he/she means to you, write something thoughtful in card and give it to him/her, set a date to take him/her out someplace you know you two will truly enjoy and feel like a successful romantic couple. It does not require anything fancy to express your love to your partner and keep him/her satisfied, but the rewards for doing so will be wonderful and extremely beneficial to your relationship. Also remember, if your partner is not investing his/her share of efforts in showing you how much you mean to him/her, then you need to observe your relationship closely and give it a check up to see how healthy or unhealthy it really is. Talk to your partner about how you feel and give him/her time to make positive changes and improvements that will please you. If they lack to do so even after your honest communication, then you will need to ask yourself if you think you are with the right person. After all, you deserve to be with someone who will truly care about how you feel and will never want to disappoint or hurt you if they know they hold the power to make things different.
Freedom. Give your partner freedom? Yes! Not the kind of freedom where you both are allowed to just go off and behave recklessly to towards the relationship, but freedom in a way that lets both you and your partner continue to be individuals. As a couple in a relationship you will be one, but outside that circle, you two will still be individuals who will need and want to continue to discover more about yourselves as people. You both will grow in time and you will get different callings in life, but in order for you to hear these callings and act on them, you and your partner need to give each other the freedom to do so. Do not cling to each other so tight that you cannot separate and be individuals and do not control your partner or allow your partner to control you. Controlling or being controlled is not love or an expression of how much your partner loves you. Control is selfish and is robbing a person from having a relationship with them selves. Invest freedom in your relationship and you and your partner will grow even closer together! You will have more to share with each other too.
Invest all of these into your relationship account and watch the interest grow. You and your partner will be happy and will earn the feeling of taking pride in your successful relationship.
The following are some things you and your partner need to constantly invest to your relationship account if you want to maintain a healthy and loving relationship:
Honesty. You have probably heard the famous saying- “honesty is the best policy”. Well, it really is! While the truth may not always be pleasant, it is always better to let your partner know what you are thinking and how you are feeling, rather than keeping it all inside of you and expecting your partner to read your mind. You also need to open and accepting of the truth your partner shares with you about yourself and the relationship over all. If you are not willing to hear the truth (and the truth can be painful sometimes), then you are not willing to fully experience the relationship as a whole- but instead choose to blind yourself from certain things because it makes life easier for you (or at least it will look that way to you). So invest honesty into your relationship every day throughout the whole year- being always honest with your partner and yourself.
Respect. You and your partner can have extremely strong feelings for each other and may claim to love each other dearly and more than anything. Without respect however, that love will get lost in the big shadow of disrespect that will take over your relationship. Respect may seems like something that is only natural for you and your partner to have for each other and that if you love each other, then it will be very difficult to disrespect each other. This may be true in the beginning when things are new between you, but in time things change and requires maintenance. As a relationship matures and you and your partner spend more time together, you will experience different things and will learn new things about each other. Though the love you have for each other may be something you have in common, you two are still individual human beings with different habits, views, routines, interests and so on. You may not always like or agree with the way your partner handles things, believes things and says things- but you will have to accept and respect that this is who he/she is. If you cannot respect your partner and your partner does not respect you, then your relationship will not last- and if it does, it will grow into an unhappy relationship that will invite many other stressful and painful issues. Invest respect daily into your relationship and do not allow yourself to cross that line and enter the territory of disrespect. If you so, you and your partner will not see each other the same way.
Expressions of Love. You may see this one as a given, but it is not. People tend to get a little too comfortable as time goes by in a relationship and become less concerned with expressing their love and admiration for their partner. This, majority of the time, is not intentional, but it does happen regardless of being intentional or not. People do this because they become too confident. They know they love their partner and that their partner loves them and use that as their security. While knowing that you love each other is great and powerful, it will not be enough to make your relationship last in a happy way. People need to know that they are loved and cherished and that they are not being taken for granted. Laziness is a person’s worst enemy and it will cost you your relationship if you do not take the time to let your partner know that he/she is special and the love of your life. Tell your partner how much he/she means to you, write something thoughtful in card and give it to him/her, set a date to take him/her out someplace you know you two will truly enjoy and feel like a successful romantic couple. It does not require anything fancy to express your love to your partner and keep him/her satisfied, but the rewards for doing so will be wonderful and extremely beneficial to your relationship. Also remember, if your partner is not investing his/her share of efforts in showing you how much you mean to him/her, then you need to observe your relationship closely and give it a check up to see how healthy or unhealthy it really is. Talk to your partner about how you feel and give him/her time to make positive changes and improvements that will please you. If they lack to do so even after your honest communication, then you will need to ask yourself if you think you are with the right person. After all, you deserve to be with someone who will truly care about how you feel and will never want to disappoint or hurt you if they know they hold the power to make things different.
Freedom. Give your partner freedom? Yes! Not the kind of freedom where you both are allowed to just go off and behave recklessly to towards the relationship, but freedom in a way that lets both you and your partner continue to be individuals. As a couple in a relationship you will be one, but outside that circle, you two will still be individuals who will need and want to continue to discover more about yourselves as people. You both will grow in time and you will get different callings in life, but in order for you to hear these callings and act on them, you and your partner need to give each other the freedom to do so. Do not cling to each other so tight that you cannot separate and be individuals and do not control your partner or allow your partner to control you. Controlling or being controlled is not love or an expression of how much your partner loves you. Control is selfish and is robbing a person from having a relationship with them selves. Invest freedom in your relationship and you and your partner will grow even closer together! You will have more to share with each other too.
Invest all of these into your relationship account and watch the interest grow. You and your partner will be happy and will earn the feeling of taking pride in your successful relationship.
Communication that really improves your Relationship
Communication is something we all know is necessary to keep any relationship strong and loving, and although we are aware of the importance of communication, we still seem to be clueless about what exactly good communication really is. This does not mean you are clueless as a person, but it does mean that more attention is required on your part, so that you can become more open and invite the many forms of communication that exist, so that you will be able to understand yourself and your partner much better. There is nothing that keeps a relationship healthy, better than understanding and once you start becoming more familiar with your communicating styles, as well as your partners, you will be able to work better as a team in making the best of your relationship.
The first step in achieving better communication that will really work, is to take a look at you first. People always tend to turn to their partner first when things are not running so smoothly in their relationship. They automatically start pointing out what their partner is doing or not doing, as well as how their partner is not listening to them. This may all be true depending on your particular situation, but it is important that you take the responsibility in reviewing your own actions and communication first, before you can point anything out in your partner. Remember, it is very easy to see other people’s mistakes, but when it comes to looking at you, it is much harder to accept criticism, even from yourself- because no one wants to be wrong. This is where you need to get real about things. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each other’s perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments.
The first step in achieving better communication that will really work, is to take a look at you first. People always tend to turn to their partner first when things are not running so smoothly in their relationship. They automatically start pointing out what their partner is doing or not doing, as well as how their partner is not listening to them. This may all be true depending on your particular situation, but it is important that you take the responsibility in reviewing your own actions and communication first, before you can point anything out in your partner. Remember, it is very easy to see other people’s mistakes, but when it comes to looking at you, it is much harder to accept criticism, even from yourself- because no one wants to be wrong. This is where you need to get real about things. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each other’s perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments.
Prescription for a Broken Heart
Being heartbroken is a pain that no one can understand until they have experienced it for themselves. You obviously have, therefore are aware of how fragile your heart is right now. Healing a broken heart will take time, but is not impossible, though it may feel that way at the time. It is never an easy process to go through, but with the right prescription, you will be on your way to recovery and happiness again.
The first thing you should keep in mind is that it is okay to feel sad and grieve about what happened and that you are not stupid for doing so. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and cry after a break up. You have invested most of your time and all of your love and interest into your ex-partner; therefore will go through a sad and painful withdrawal. It is notable that you not grieve all on your own. Sure, there will be times when you will just want to be alone and undisturbed. However, it is important that you talk to your friends and family about it. Talking about it is not only healthy, but will mend your heart quicker because you will release the thoughts and facts that are hurting you so much. Seeking professional advice will be a great help to you as well because your mind will open up and see new perspectives and understandings of what happened. It will help you gather your strength, pick yourself up, and find the happiness you deserve to have.
Accepting the fact that you and your ex-partner are no longer together is a necessity if you are going to start mending your broken heart. If you catch yourself unable to function due to constantly thinking about your ex or repeatedly calling or visiting him or her for another chance, then chances are you are suffering from love addiction and should seek counseling. Discontinuing a serious relationship is emotionally challenging and can drive you to do things that are unhealthy for your self-being. To avoid entering such hazardous areas, keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends and family to help get your mind off the break up. It is best to spend as less time alone as you can in the first few weeks of your breakup so that your emotions can slowly and patiently form back into their normal pattern.
Fight the thoughts that tell you that you are a failure and are to blame for the end of your relationship. When a relationship ends it means that the two of you were no longer compatible and that always takes two, not just you. Instead of beating yourself up over what has transpired, examine your ex-relationship by listing the things you enjoyed most about it and then the things that disappointed you and what you believe really caused the breakup. Look at the relationship as a learning experience and an opportunity to improve your relationship skills, and a way to realize what you truly need and want from a romantic relationship.Learning to forgive yourself and your ex-lover will speed up the healing process for the reason that you will feel more peaceful and calm about it. Hating your ex will only build up tension and stress in your life, causing your emotions to slow down from getting back to order. One way to avoid bitterness against your ex-partner is to look at the breakup as a favor. Appreciate their honesty of no longer wanting to pursue the relationship, instead of giving you high hopes for a possible future together. It is always an advantage to exit a relationship that had no chances to survive than to be misled.
Conquer your fear of being alone. You need to help yourself understand that it is not abnormal to be on your own and that your values come from who are rather than whom you are with. Teach yourself that there is more to life than romantic relationships by spending quality time with your friends and family. Learn more about whom the other people in your life are and introduce more of yourself to them as well. Go out and do things together and treat yourself to something you enjoy, whether it is your favorite restaurant, shopping, going to the movies, or anything else. Learning to you be your own best friend will not only improve your relationship with yourself, but with others as well. As you begin to discover the other beauties of life and yourself, you will become more stable and stronger to face anything that crosses your path, such as a new relationship in the future.
Before you consider entering another relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why you want to do so. Make sure that you are not entering a new relationship on a rebound. This will only leave you with unfinished emotions and you will never have closure from your former relationship. Never begin a new relationship because you are afraid of being on your own, or feel the need to just be in a relationship. Form a relationship with someone new because you feel strong and secure on your very own and feel that you are ready to attempt a new romance. Take it one step at a time and keep in mind of what your needs and desires are from a person and observe closely to see if they show signs of the qualities you are looking for. As soon as you notice that he or she is not, then get out of it as soon as possible. Learning from your previous relationships will come in very handy because you will be able to prevent similar situations in the future, leading you to meeting the people who fit your description of a perfect partner.
Lastly, remind yourself that love is a wonderful feeling and experience and should not be generalized based on your past experiences. Do not use facts about your ex as a way to judge new people in your life. Leave your past behind you and focus on moving ahead. Get to know new people for who they are, not by comparing them to others, what they are not, or what they could be. Once you have observed their personality, values and everything else, trust yourself to make the right decisions without constantly doubting yourself. If you wish to try having a new relationship, then do so. If you do not however, then do not feel guilty to kindly walk away from the situation. You would be doing both you and the other a person a huge favor and saving time and emotions from being hurt. You have nothing to fear or worry about. After all, there will always be one person who will always love you, appreciate who you are and be there for you. . . and that is YOU.
The first thing you should keep in mind is that it is okay to feel sad and grieve about what happened and that you are not stupid for doing so. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and cry after a break up. You have invested most of your time and all of your love and interest into your ex-partner; therefore will go through a sad and painful withdrawal. It is notable that you not grieve all on your own. Sure, there will be times when you will just want to be alone and undisturbed. However, it is important that you talk to your friends and family about it. Talking about it is not only healthy, but will mend your heart quicker because you will release the thoughts and facts that are hurting you so much. Seeking professional advice will be a great help to you as well because your mind will open up and see new perspectives and understandings of what happened. It will help you gather your strength, pick yourself up, and find the happiness you deserve to have.
Accepting the fact that you and your ex-partner are no longer together is a necessity if you are going to start mending your broken heart. If you catch yourself unable to function due to constantly thinking about your ex or repeatedly calling or visiting him or her for another chance, then chances are you are suffering from love addiction and should seek counseling. Discontinuing a serious relationship is emotionally challenging and can drive you to do things that are unhealthy for your self-being. To avoid entering such hazardous areas, keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends and family to help get your mind off the break up. It is best to spend as less time alone as you can in the first few weeks of your breakup so that your emotions can slowly and patiently form back into their normal pattern.
Fight the thoughts that tell you that you are a failure and are to blame for the end of your relationship. When a relationship ends it means that the two of you were no longer compatible and that always takes two, not just you. Instead of beating yourself up over what has transpired, examine your ex-relationship by listing the things you enjoyed most about it and then the things that disappointed you and what you believe really caused the breakup. Look at the relationship as a learning experience and an opportunity to improve your relationship skills, and a way to realize what you truly need and want from a romantic relationship.Learning to forgive yourself and your ex-lover will speed up the healing process for the reason that you will feel more peaceful and calm about it. Hating your ex will only build up tension and stress in your life, causing your emotions to slow down from getting back to order. One way to avoid bitterness against your ex-partner is to look at the breakup as a favor. Appreciate their honesty of no longer wanting to pursue the relationship, instead of giving you high hopes for a possible future together. It is always an advantage to exit a relationship that had no chances to survive than to be misled.
Conquer your fear of being alone. You need to help yourself understand that it is not abnormal to be on your own and that your values come from who are rather than whom you are with. Teach yourself that there is more to life than romantic relationships by spending quality time with your friends and family. Learn more about whom the other people in your life are and introduce more of yourself to them as well. Go out and do things together and treat yourself to something you enjoy, whether it is your favorite restaurant, shopping, going to the movies, or anything else. Learning to you be your own best friend will not only improve your relationship with yourself, but with others as well. As you begin to discover the other beauties of life and yourself, you will become more stable and stronger to face anything that crosses your path, such as a new relationship in the future.
Before you consider entering another relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why you want to do so. Make sure that you are not entering a new relationship on a rebound. This will only leave you with unfinished emotions and you will never have closure from your former relationship. Never begin a new relationship because you are afraid of being on your own, or feel the need to just be in a relationship. Form a relationship with someone new because you feel strong and secure on your very own and feel that you are ready to attempt a new romance. Take it one step at a time and keep in mind of what your needs and desires are from a person and observe closely to see if they show signs of the qualities you are looking for. As soon as you notice that he or she is not, then get out of it as soon as possible. Learning from your previous relationships will come in very handy because you will be able to prevent similar situations in the future, leading you to meeting the people who fit your description of a perfect partner.
Lastly, remind yourself that love is a wonderful feeling and experience and should not be generalized based on your past experiences. Do not use facts about your ex as a way to judge new people in your life. Leave your past behind you and focus on moving ahead. Get to know new people for who they are, not by comparing them to others, what they are not, or what they could be. Once you have observed their personality, values and everything else, trust yourself to make the right decisions without constantly doubting yourself. If you wish to try having a new relationship, then do so. If you do not however, then do not feel guilty to kindly walk away from the situation. You would be doing both you and the other a person a huge favor and saving time and emotions from being hurt. You have nothing to fear or worry about. After all, there will always be one person who will always love you, appreciate who you are and be there for you. . . and that is YOU.
Building the Bond in your Relationship
A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought the two of you together as a couple, but the bond has not been set completely. Besides the fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not the two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, it is a must if the two of you are going to build a lasting bond.
Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner’s situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need the back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all the time) either.
It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in the same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to the love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well.
You can talk to and confide in each other about anything. Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone.Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on.Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it Having many things in common Accepting one another for who we are Listening to us and considering our opinions important
Do not feel guilty for having higher expectations from your lover either. People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide or make up excuses for your partner’s wrong doings. You should expect better and not except such behavior. You deserve better. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive the same.
Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner’s situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need the back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all the time) either.
It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in the same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to the love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well.
You can talk to and confide in each other about anything. Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone.Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on.Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it Having many things in common Accepting one another for who we are Listening to us and considering our opinions important
Do not feel guilty for having higher expectations from your lover either. People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide or make up excuses for your partner’s wrong doings. You should expect better and not except such behavior. You deserve better. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive the same.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Why do guys get sleepy after sex
For many women, the correlation between sex and snoring is one of those annoying facts of life: no matter when passionate encounters occur, men always seem to fall asleep immediately afterwards. Dave Zinczenko, the author of Men, Love and Sex: The Complete User Guide For Women, explained the phenomenon to Huffington Post writer Arianna Huffington this way: “Men go to sleep because women don’t turn into a pizza.”
I doubt I am ever going to become a pizza, and I’ll never have the foresight to order one beforehand. So in lieu of a cure, a better explanation will have to do. Although women sometimes feel sleepy after sex, the phenomenon does seem more pronounced in men. What is it, then, that spirals them into the land of nod?
First, the obvious reasons for sex’s somnolent sway: the act frequently takes place at night, in a bed, and is, after all, physically exhausting (often more so for the man than the woman, although this certainly varies). So when sex is over, it’s natural for a guy to feel sleepy.
Secondly, research using positron emission tomography (PET) scans has shown that in order for a person to reach orgasm, a primary requirement is to let go of “all fear and anxiety.” Doing so also tends to be relaxing and might explain the tendency to snooze.
Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.
Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.
(Side note: prolactin also explains why men are sleepier after intercourse than after masturbation. For unknown reasons, intercourse orgasms release four times more prolactin than masturbatory orgasms, according to a recent study.)
Oxytocin and vasopressin, two other chemicals released during orgasm, are also associated with sleep. Their release frequently accompanies that of melatonin, the primary hormone that regulates our body clocks. Oxytocin is also thought to reduce stress levels, which again could lead to relaxation and sleepiness.
What about the evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness? This is trickier to explain. Evolutionarily speaking, a man’s primary goal is to produce as many offspring as possible, and sleeping doesn’t exactly help in his quest. But perhaps since he cannot immediately run off with another woman anyway—damn that recovery time!—re-energizing himself via sleep may be the best use of his time.
And although there is conflicting information as to whether women feel sleepy after sex, a woman often falls asleep with the man anyway (or uses it for some key cuddling time), which is good news for him: it means she is not off finding another mate. When the man wakes up and she’s still there, he just might be ready to go again.
It’s also possible that sleepiness is just a “side effect” associated with a more evolutionarily important reason for the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. In addition to being associated with sleep, both chemicals are also intimately involved in what is called “pair bonding,” the social attachment human mates commonly share. The release of these brain chemicals during orgasm heightens feelings of bonding and trust between sexual partners, which may partially explain the link between sex and emotional attachment. This bond is favorable should the couple have a baby, as cooperative child rearing maximizes the young one’s chances for survival.
The bottom line is this: there are many potential biochemical and evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness, some direct and some indirect—but no one has yet pinpointed the exact causes. One thing, however, is certain: we females better get used to it, because it doesn’t look likely to change anytime soon.
I will leave frustrated American women with one final thought: if you are upset at the ubiquity of the post-sex snoring phenomenon, remember that things could be a lot worse. A recent survey of 10,000 English men revealed that 48 percent actually fall asleep during sex.
I doubt I am ever going to become a pizza, and I’ll never have the foresight to order one beforehand. So in lieu of a cure, a better explanation will have to do. Although women sometimes feel sleepy after sex, the phenomenon does seem more pronounced in men. What is it, then, that spirals them into the land of nod?
First, the obvious reasons for sex’s somnolent sway: the act frequently takes place at night, in a bed, and is, after all, physically exhausting (often more so for the man than the woman, although this certainly varies). So when sex is over, it’s natural for a guy to feel sleepy.
Secondly, research using positron emission tomography (PET) scans has shown that in order for a person to reach orgasm, a primary requirement is to let go of “all fear and anxiety.” Doing so also tends to be relaxing and might explain the tendency to snooze.
Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.
Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.
(Side note: prolactin also explains why men are sleepier after intercourse than after masturbation. For unknown reasons, intercourse orgasms release four times more prolactin than masturbatory orgasms, according to a recent study.)
Oxytocin and vasopressin, two other chemicals released during orgasm, are also associated with sleep. Their release frequently accompanies that of melatonin, the primary hormone that regulates our body clocks. Oxytocin is also thought to reduce stress levels, which again could lead to relaxation and sleepiness.
What about the evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness? This is trickier to explain. Evolutionarily speaking, a man’s primary goal is to produce as many offspring as possible, and sleeping doesn’t exactly help in his quest. But perhaps since he cannot immediately run off with another woman anyway—damn that recovery time!—re-energizing himself via sleep may be the best use of his time.
And although there is conflicting information as to whether women feel sleepy after sex, a woman often falls asleep with the man anyway (or uses it for some key cuddling time), which is good news for him: it means she is not off finding another mate. When the man wakes up and she’s still there, he just might be ready to go again.
It’s also possible that sleepiness is just a “side effect” associated with a more evolutionarily important reason for the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. In addition to being associated with sleep, both chemicals are also intimately involved in what is called “pair bonding,” the social attachment human mates commonly share. The release of these brain chemicals during orgasm heightens feelings of bonding and trust between sexual partners, which may partially explain the link between sex and emotional attachment. This bond is favorable should the couple have a baby, as cooperative child rearing maximizes the young one’s chances for survival.
The bottom line is this: there are many potential biochemical and evolutionary reasons for post-sex sleepiness, some direct and some indirect—but no one has yet pinpointed the exact causes. One thing, however, is certain: we females better get used to it, because it doesn’t look likely to change anytime soon.
I will leave frustrated American women with one final thought: if you are upset at the ubiquity of the post-sex snoring phenomenon, remember that things could be a lot worse. A recent survey of 10,000 English men revealed that 48 percent actually fall asleep during sex.
Friday, June 1, 2007
THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT SAY AFTER SEX
1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."
2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"
3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"
4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?"
5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear,...OK?"
6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"
7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"
8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"
9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."
10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is?"
11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."
12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."
13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?" 14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"
15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before!"
16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately...."
17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave?"
18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there!"
2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"
3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"
4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before---right?"
5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear,...OK?"
6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"
7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"
8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"
9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."
10) "Do you know what a 'douche' is?"
11) "Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."
12) "I want you to try some of MY deodorant."
13) "I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?" 14) "Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"
15) "I never saw a girl with hairy tits before!"
16) "I've been getting these little blisters lately...."
17) "You wanna do those dishes before you leave?"
18) "You should go wash that, the cabbie will think something DIED in there!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)